


Without You (Who am I?)

by scarletsaber (sushibunny)



Category: Free!
Genre: Aftermath, Angst and Porn, Angst with a Happy Ending, But No One Is A Minor Character Here, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Is Worried About Makoto, Future Fic, Grief/Mourning, Lol Probably Not, M/M, Makoto Is Not Dealing Well, Makoto Needs Like 5000 Hugs, Makoto-centric, Multi, Past Character Death, Polyamory, Suffering Makoto, The Smut Will Make The Pain Better Right, or at all, what a combo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-09
Updated: 2016-09-11
Packaged: 2018-07-22 12:22:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7439046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sushibunny/pseuds/scarletsaber
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It'd almost been a year.</p><p>A year since he held out his hand expectantly, soft smile on his face.<br/>A year since he looked into expressive eyes, deeper than the ocean that shared their color.<br/>A year since he felt that familiar warmth, lithe body wrapped around his own.<br/>A year since red and teal eyes had dimmed, a shadow of sadness taking permanent root.<br/>A year since he buried the pain, convinced everyone he'd be able to move forward.</p><p>A year since Makoto knew who he was.</p><p>And he wasn't sure how to get through another.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cracks

**Author's Note:**

> This is the result of a dream I had that just would not leave me alone (clearly I have the best dreams; I'm not even sure if I'm being sarcastic here myself). That combined with my apparent need to make Makoto suffer is what created this lovely ball of pain. Enjoy?
> 
> (Note: While one of the characters in half the relationships tagged is obviously unable to be a part of them anymore, the ones left behind still feel like those relationships are a part of them, hence why I decided to put them in the tags. They play a major role in the story and are very important parts of each character's narrative, and considering the entire plot is based around Haru's relationship with each character, especially Makoto, it would be more misleading not to include them. Just because he's no longer physically there doesn't mean he doesn't have a major impact on the present events.)

“Sousuke! Where are my goggles?”

“Have you checked your duffle?”

“Of course I did, what do you take me for?!”

“Well, why aren’t they there, Rin? What reason could you possibly have had to take them out of your bag outside of the gym?”

“I don’t know! Why do you think I’m asking you?”

“... I honestly have no idea.”

“Damnit Sousuke! Just freaking help me find them already! I’m gonna be late!”

“And whose fault is that?”

“Shut up and look!”

Makoto smiled, shaking his head as he repressed the laughter threatening to overcome him as he watched the familiar scene play out before him. Rin was scrambling around the living room, overturning pillows and tossing around magazines as he searched for his missing item of the day. Sousuke, who had been sitting on the couch watching in amusement, heaved a sigh before pushing himself up from his seat and moving to help Rin in his latest search attempt. A wave of warm fondness overtook Makoto as he continued to watch. It was cute. It was amusing. It was normal.

Yet Makoto couldn’t help but feel like something was missing.

The painfully familiar ache in his chest rose up again, causing a flash of pain to cross his usually smiling face. The cracks in his mask were getting more numerous lately, threatening to expose the truth he had worked so long and hard to keep hidden. Taking a deep breath, Makoto allowed his gaze to wander over to the calendar hanging on the kitchen wall for only a moment before he gathered himself, slipping almost effortlessly into the soft and gentle expression he was known for.

He forced himself to focus back on the scene playing out before him as he leaned against the kitchen doorframe. Rin and Sousuke were arguing again; rather, Rin was yelling at Sousuke as he frantically tore apart the house and Sousuke was shooting thinly veiled sarcastic comments back at Rin as he helped look for the missing goggles. A genuine smile played on Makoto’s lips as he continued to observe- _those two are incorrigible_ , he thought- but it faltered as the ache surged forth again, refusing to be ignored.

There was no disregarding it this time. He would need to distract himself further, cover up the pain with something that brought him joy, and the most obvious- and by far his favorite- solutions were currently waving their arms around and rolling their eyes at each other. Makoto took in the scene again for a moment, eyes roaming around the room as he thought of the best way to get what he wanted at that moment- what he desperately needed- from his two boyfriends to push back the ache: attention and affection.

Rin and Sousuke were the only ones who could make him feel almost whole again. _Almost_.

Makoto pushed back the twinge of guilt, the voice that told him he was just using them, that he didn’t deserve to feel better, before it could consume him. He didn’t have time for a breakdown at the moment. His gaze wandered behind him, into the kitchen, searching until suddenly he found what he was looking for. There, on top of the microwave of all places, were a pair of red-lensed swimming goggles. Makoto stared at the located object in amusement for a moment as he formulated a plan. There was limited time before Rin had to leave for practice, and Sousuke and Makoto also had work in a few hours, so whatever he came up with would have to be relatively quick. His lips quirked as an idea of how exactly they could enjoy that little amount of time left began to form.

Makoto’s eyes flicked back into their living room for a moment, making sure Rin and Sousuke were still occupied with each other- they definitely were, Rin having moved to poking Sousuke in the abdomen as Sousuke stared down at him with a bored expression as he crossed his arms over his chest- before he slipped fully into the kitchen, moving a box of cereal off the counter and onto the microwave, blocking the goggles from view. Satisfied, Makoto made his way back to the doorway.

“Oh, Rin. I might be able to help you out,” Makoto called, keeping his voice cheery and mild, even as anticipation began to curl in his gut, sending a wave of heat through him. It had been a busy- and lonely- past few days, after all. He had been craving this intimacy from them for quite some time and definitely wasn’t about to hold back now when he needed it most.

Immediately Rin’s growling ceased, two heads turning in sync to look at Makoto in question. He would have laughed and commented on how cute it was that they were so in tune if he wasn’t trying to establish an entirely different type of mood- and Rin grousing about how he was not ‘cute’ definitely wouldn’t help matters; he also staunchly ignored the pang of longing at the thought of two people being in sync.

“What do you mean? Did you find them, Mako?” Rin asked, sounding eager.

Sousuke merely raised a brow.

“I may have, yes,” Makoto answered, letting his smile turn a bit devilish.

Rin’s eyes narrowed knowingly. “Okay… So where are they?” he asked hesitantly, walking towards Makoto as if he was afraid that with one wrong move Makoto would devour him (and he wasn’t too far off).

“Ah ah ah, you’ll have to give me something in return for that information, Rin,” Makoto teased, grinning widely, though his eyes remained sharp and fixated on Rin.

Rin’s eyes widened for a moment before he smirked, clearly catching on to Makoto’s game. “Oh yeah? And what might that be?” By then Rin was in front of Makoto, head tilted to the side as he looked flirtatiously up into darkening green eyes.

“You.”

Rin didn’t seem surprised, or resistant, when Makoto grabbed him by the waist and pulled him in, lips quickly meeting in a heated kiss. Rin moaned into Makoto’s mouth, tongue eagerly darting out to meet Makoto’s as he deepened the kiss, Rin’s hands tugging at Makoto’s hair as he pulled Makoto’s head down further. Makoto groaned at the rough treatment, fingers digging into Rin’s hips as he held Rin tighter against himself. _Thank goodness Rin is so easy to get going, we might actually get somewhere before he starts to complain about the time_.

When they broke apart for breath, Makoto became aware of Sousuke beside them, leaning back against the nearest wall as he watched their display intently.

Rin noticed too, turning his head and holding out a beckoning hand. “Sousuke.”

Sousuke’s eyes flicked to Makoto, who gave a grin before leaning down to nibble at Rin’s ear- earning a moan- before accepting the request, grasping Rin’s hand in his and allowing himself to be pulled over. Rin’s lips quickly found his, drawing Sousuke into a deep kiss as Makoto explored Rin’s neck with his mouth and Sousuke’s chest with one of his hands.

The sounds coming from his two lovers clearly told Makoto that he was not the only one who had been craving this sort of attention, as did the hardness pressing against his hip as Rin ground against him.

“Shit, Makoto,” Rin groaned out, pulling away from Sousuke’s lips and sending a heated gaze down at Makoto, who was slowly mouthing a trail down Rin’s neck to his collarbone. “You know I love it when you get aggressive.”

“You like it when either of us is, you tell us constantly,” Sousuke pointed out, dipping his head down and snatching a kiss from Makoto.

“Yeah, but Makoto does it so rarely lately,” Rin insisted, or at least he tried to, the words coming out more as a breathy sigh than anything else as he watched Makoto and Sousuke make out in front of him. “Hey, quit hogging!”

Makoto pulled back, giving Rin a rosy-lipped grin. “Which one of us are you talking to, Rin?”

“I dunno. Either. Both. Pay attention to me!” Rin mock-whined, pouting playfully at his boyfriends.

Makoto laughed, grabbing one of Rin’s hands and placing a kiss on the back of it before maneuvering Rin until he was sandwiched between Makoto and Sousuke. “Better?”

“Much,” Rin said, cheeks pinking at the tender display before he found himself forgetting all about any embarrassment when Sousuke ground into him from behind and Makoto ducked down to continue where he had left off on Rin’s neck.

“So needy,” Sousuke muttered against Rin’s ear before taking the lobe into his mouth and sucking in the way that made Rin’s knees weak.

“Don’t act like… you don’t like it,” Rin managed in between moans, hands clutching onto Makoto’s shoulders as Makoto moved onto his knees.

“Do you two ever stop antagonizing each other?” Makoto asked rhetorically, already knowing the answer full well. He wasn’t sure if he didn’t receive an answer from either because they knew he didn’t need one or because his words were muffled against Rin’s hip as he sucked a nice red mark- one that Rin’s suit would cover, of course.

“Hey, Mako,” Rin gasped, red eyes locking onto green as Makoto slowly began to pull down Rin’s track pants. “Where are my goggles, anyway?”

Makoto contemplated not answering for a moment, inching Rin’s pants further down his thighs every second, but decided to tell him before getting too distracted. “On the microwave.”

He felt Rin tense for a moment before relaxing again, taking that momentary distraction as an opportunity to tug Rin’s pants, underwear and all, down to his knees, freeing his erection.

“Oh, right,” Rin muttered, somehow not finding the location of the goggles odd.

“How did- you know what, I don’t want to know,” Sousuke said, fond exasperation coloring his voice as his hands continued to wander across Rin’s upper body, pulling up the tank to reveal more skin.

“Mmm, better to keep a bit of mystery alive,” Makoto hummed in agreement, sharing a knowing smile with Sousuke as Rin huffed in annoyance.

“You two are hilarious. Anyway, I have to get going, I’m going to be late,” Rin announced as he attempted to unwind Sousuke’s arms from his waist and pull up his pants at the same time; needless to say the effort was in vain.

_There it is_. “Rin, you know you’re always early. You don’t have to leave for another… Ten minutes,” Makoto assured him after a glance at the microwave clock. “Besides, you can’t leave like this,” he added, eyeing the hard cock jutting out in front of him. “Just enjoy it.”

“But-”

Any further complaints were quickly cut off when Makoto unceremoniously took Rin’s cock into his mouth, distracting Rin quite sufficiently.

“ _Fuck_ ,” was all Rin could manage to gasp, hands abandoning their previous tasks and moving to grip brunet hair.

Makoto could make out Sousuke chuckling above before that was cut off in a moan, and Makoto knew his lovers well enough to know that Rin had decided to shut Sousuke up with his mouth. Makoto chanced a glance up and couldn’t help letting out his own moan at the sight of the two locking lips. He quickly focused back on the task at hand- or rather mouth- however, as he knew Rin could only be distracted for so long.

He set to work, creating a familiar rhythm he knew Rin enjoyed, swirling his tongue around the shaft as he bobbed his head, taking it deeper every time. Makoto knew Rin was a fan of his almost nonexistent gag reflex and used that to his advantage, drawing a long groan from above as he deep-throated Rin, humming around the length before pulling back again and setting up a fast pace. When he heard panted curses he reached down to fondle Rin’s balls, knowing that would help push Rin towards the edge. Fingers tightened their grip in his hair and Makoto hollowed his cheeks, giving deep, long pulls at Rin’s cock with his mouth and soon enough he was rewarded with hot cum pouring down his throat as Rin’s hips spasmed forward.

“Shit, Mako… You and your mouth…”

Makoto grinned up as he pulled back, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. He always thoroughly enjoyed watching Rin fall to pieces because of him, and the panting sight in front of him then was no exception.

It only took a few more seconds for Rin to come down from his high and then he was moving in a flash, twisting out of Sousuke’s arms and setting his clothes back in order before practically leaping to the microwave to grab the goggles and then dashing back into the living room to gather his things for practice. Makoto and Sousuke stayed where they were, stunned at the sudden flurry of motion as Rin ran around grabbing his jacket and bag from the living room and then sprinted back into the kitchen to pull a water bottle from the fridge. He didn’t slow as he spun on his heel, giving Sousuke and Makoto quick drive-by kisses and a hurried “love ya both” before darting to the front door.

“Don’t forget a scarf!” Makoto managed to shake himself from his surprised daze long enough to call after Rin, pleased that the speedy redhead grunted an acknowledgment and grabbed one from the hooks near the door before disappearing from sight, the sound of the door shutting reverberating through the otherwise silent apartment.

He let out a long sigh, shaking his head at the all-too familiar antics as he looked up to meet Sousuke’s equally amused gaze. “What are we going to do with him?”

Sousuke chuckled. “Damned if I know. Wouldn’t have him any other way though.”

Makoto hummed in agreement, a fond smile crossing his lips. “True. Besides,” he added, looking up at Sousuke from his kneeling position on the floor, “I’m more concerned about what I’m going to do with you at the moment.”

“Hmm?” Sousuke looked down, taking a moment to recognize the heat that was back in Makoto’s eyes. “Hey, you don’t need to-”

Makoto cut him off just as effectively as he had Rin, hands moving to the waistband of Sousuke’s pajama pants and yanking them down, drawing a surprised gasp from Sousuke as his still hardened length was revealed to the air. “I know I don’t need to. I _want_ to,” Makoto said in that low voice he knew drove Sousuke crazy. And it certainly worked, if the hand that wound its way into his hair was any indication.

“I have to agree with Rin,” Sousuke ground out, watching intently as Makoto slowly fisted him before dipping his head down to lap at the tip. “You and your mouth are going to be the death of us.”

Makoto could practically hear the unsaid ‘but what a way to go’ as he took the head in his mouth, swirling his tongue around in the way that made Sousuke’s toes curl- and his free hand shoot out to hold onto the doorframe, apparently. Makoto gripped Sousuke’s hips as he started to move his head, beginning with a slow rhythm that would drive Sousuke insane, causing him to attempt to buck into Makoto’s mouth in search of relief. It didn’t take long to reach that point either, Sousuke already keyed up from watching Rin earlier.

“Shit, Makoto, I need more,” Sousuke groaned, head thrown back as he tried to thrust his hips deeper and faster into Makoto’s willing mouth, stopped by the tight and frustrating hold Makoto had on his hips. “Please…”

Makoto moaned around the hot flesh in his mouth. He absolutely loved it when his lovers begged. There was just something about them pushing aside their prides and egos and asking for what they wanted, knowing he would give it to them, that showed him how much they trusted him. It filled him with warmth and love- and maybe a little bit of power- and he couldn’t help but give them whatever they wanted in return for the favor.

Makoto released the grip on Sousuke’s hips, relaxing his throat as he let Sousuke take control, fucking into his mouth as he pleased. Makoto knew that even in the midst of passion Sousuke would never lose complete control of himself, would never hurt Makoto, so he could just allow himself to enjoy the feeling of Sousuke’s cock, hot and heavy in his mouth as Sousuke struck up a quick rhythm, sliding into Makoto’s throat with every deep thrust. Makoto groaned at the feeling, enjoying being used in such a way. Giving blow jobs was one of his favorite bedroom activities, but he especially loved it when his lovers would take control and just use his mouth like that. He couldn’t help reaching down, grinding his palm against his own very obvious arousal as he continued to let Sousuke find his pleasure in Makoto’s mouth.

“Fuck, so good… Are you ready for me to cum, Mako?”

Makoto could only hum needily around the large cock in his mouth, looking up and meeting darkened teal eyes as he tightened his lips, eager to help Sousuke finish.

“Yes, just like that. God, I could fuck your mouth all day…” Sousuke grunted, fingers tensing their grip in Makoto’s hair and hips speeding up their thrusts as he neared his peak.

It only took Makoto moving a hand down, running it around Sousuke’s balls and further back along the sensitive skin between his legs, and then Sousuke was cumming hard in Makoto’s mouth, a broken groan of Makoto’s name falling from his lips. Makoto swallowed all he could, dragging his tongue along the sensitive shaft as he pulled away, licking his lips as he smiled up at a very satisfied looking Sousuke.

“Enjoy yourself Sou?” Makoto asked, attempting to look and sound the picture of innocence, sweet smile on his face even as he darted his tongue out to lick a trail of saliva and cum from the corner of his mouth.

Sousuke groaned, throwing his head back and looking up pleadingly at the ceiling before looking back down at Makoto, shaking his head with an amused smirk. “If only everyone who is always going on about ‘pure and innocent Makoto’ could see you now,” he drawled, moving his hand from Makoto’s hair and lazily tracing a finger around Makoto’s reddened lips.

Makoto’s cheeks lit up to match his lips at the combination of words and action. Even so, he couldn’t help flicking his tongue out to catch Sousuke’s finger before it was pulled away, earning himself another low groan. He chuckled softly, pleased that he could pleasure Sousuke so well.

He gingerly returned Sousuke’s pants to their rightful place on his hips, placing a soft kiss above the waistband before he made to move to his feet.

“And where do you think you’re going?”

Makoto halted, looking up in surprise at the cocked brow Sousuke was giving him. “Um, to get ready for work?”

“Don’t you think we should take care of your little problem first?” Sousuke asked, looking pointedly down at Makoto’s still tented pants.

“Oh, er, that’s alright! Don’t worry about it…” Makoto said, attempting to brush it off. He might not have orgasmed, but he was plenty satisfied just being with Rin and Sousuke like that. Showing them how much he cared was almost more important to him than receiving their love and affection.

“How many times do I, no, _we_ have to tell you, Makoto?” Sousuke huffed, narrowing his eyes in frustration as he kneeled down to Makoto’s level. “We like taking care of you as much as you like to take care of us. _So let me take care of you_.”

Makoto found he couldn’t deny those piercing teal eyes, especially when he could see the love clearly reflected back at him. Sousuke grinned at Makoto’s silent compliance, placing a finger under Makoto’s chin and tipping it up to greet his lips in a long kiss. That was something Makoto especially enjoyed about kissing Sousuke; they had remained similar in height even through their last growth spurts in college. There were no strained necks or tip-toes needed, they were perfectly on the same level. Not that he minded tilting his head down to kiss Rin or waiting with a teasing grin for Rin to reach up to meet his lips. And he certainly hadn’t minded with- _No, not now_.

Pushing all extraneous thoughts away, Makoto forced himself to focus on the kiss- and if Sousuke noticed any extra desperation on Makoto’s end he said nothing. Makoto allowed himself to become lost in the feeling of Sousuke’s surprisingly soft lips against his own, tongues meeting and caressing as the kiss deepened. Actually, there were a lot of things about Sousuke that were surprisingly soft. His eyes when he watched Rin swim, his smile when Makoto came up behind him with a hug for no reason, his attitude towards his thr- two boyfriends. Sousuke was almost unbelievably gentle when it came to them, completely the opposite of what his stoic and somewhat cold demeanor would suggest. It was one of Makoto’s favorite things about him. But that was really neither here nor there when Sousuke’s hand was working its way inside Makoto’s loose sweatpants and grasping him roughly before beginning a fast pace.

“Ah! Sousuke!”

Sousuke’s chuckle reverberated against Makoto’s chest as he kissed his way down Makoto’s neck, careful not to leave marks- he knew how flustered they made Makoto, and while Makoto knew Sousuke definitely enjoyed seeing him in such a way, he also knew Sousuke did not enjoy the lectures that came after. Rin on the other hand… “Let me make you feel good too, Makoto. You want it don’t you? Or would you rather I stop?” he teased, slowing his speed to a halt.

“No, I- touch me, Sou, please,” Makoto panted, already quite wound up from the two blow jobs he had given.

“Thought so,” Sousuke murmured against his skin before he guided Makoto to lay down on the kitchen floor, following suit and taking position next to him, kissing Makoto hungrily once they were both settled, hand picking up the pace once again.

Makoto writhed and moaned from the sensations, quickly heading towards his end. “So… close…” he husked into Sousuke’s mouth, hands fisting in Sousuke’s shirt.

Sousuke moaned in response, speeding up his hand as he jerked Makoto to completion, swallowing the long groan of satisfaction that left Makoto as he came. Makoto laid back, completely spent and trying to catch his breath as he watched Sousuke remove his hand from Makoto’s pants. Makoto’s gaze narrowed in on the pearly white mess on Sousuke’s hand and grew impossibly wide as his boyfriend brought the hand to his mouth, licking his own fingers clean.

“Oh my god, Sousuke, no!” Makoto whined, hiding his red face with his hands. “You don’t have to do that!”

He heard Sousuke laugh next to him. “Makoto, even after all these years… Still such a prude.”

“Sousuke is so mean~!”

“Sorry,” Sousuke chuckled, leaning over and pulling Makoto’s hands from his face. “I’m just teasing you. You’re not a prude. You’re actually more perverted than Rin sometimes, and that’s a real feat.”

“Sousuke!” Makoto complained, turning even redder at the claim he couldn’t quite bring himself to deny.

“Hey, I never said it was a bad thing! I wouldn’t have you any other way,” Sousuke said, echoing his words from earlier. Sousuke gave him one of his soft smiles, one of the ones Makoto knew was only reserved for his lovers, and leaned down to give Makoto a sweet kiss, with just a little bit of tongue to tease and remind Makoto of what had just been in Sousuke’s mouth. Makoto wished the reminder disgusted him at all, but he couldn’t even lie about that to himself ( _and I had been getting so good at doing that recently too_ ). So he just kissed back, laying there on the floor with Sousuke and losing himself to just feeling for another few minutes.

* * *

Sousuke reluctantly pulled back from their leisurely kissing after a while, tilting his head to check the clock on the microwave and seeing they had both better get moving or else they’d be late. “I hate to cut this short, but we should probably get ready for work now.”

Makoto’s half lidded eyes flew open, the peaceful look on his face disappearing, much to Sousuke’s chagrin.

“Don’t worry, we still have plenty of time,” he reassured Makoto, placing a hand on Makoto’s chest. “Just not enough for another round,” he teased, giving Makoto a grin and a quick peck before he pushed himself off the floor to his feet.

Sousuke chuckled at the faint dusting of pink on Makoto’s face his comment had gained him and extended his hand to Makoto, intending to help him up. He was surprised, however, to see a flash of something unfamiliar in Makoto’s eyes before Makoto broke their gaze, looking down at the floor for a moment before getting to his feet on his own. Sousuke briefly wondered if it had been concern over his shoulder, but Makoto knew it was doing fine now, and helping him off the floor wouldn’t have irritated it in any way. And he knew what a concerned Makoto looked like, and the person currently hunching in on himself in front of Sousuke was definitely not it.

“Makoto? Are you okay?”

“Hmm?” Makoto looked up at Sousuke as if surprised to see him there. “Oh, yeah, I’m fine, Sousuke. Don’t worry. We should hurry and get ready though.”

Sousuke continued to watch Makoto closely as he walked out of the room, not buying Makoto’s words or strained looking smile for a second, but unable to pinpoint exactly why. It wasn’t until he noticed Makoto’s eyes dart to the calendar on the wall as Makoto exited the kitchen that Sousuke understood.

Once Makoto was safely down the hall he walked over, perusing the month of October with furrowed brows for something that would relate to Makoto’s suddenly odd mannerisms. Nothing popped out at him until his eyes caught on the 28th, the date tugging at a corner of his mind for some reason. He glared at the date, searching his memories until his eyes widened in sudden realization, head twisting to look in the direction he had last seen Makoto, only an empty room greeting his gaze.

Suddenly it all clicked. The fact that Makoto had been acting peculiar all month, staring off into space and seeming oddly listless, or seeking him or Rin out and being overly affectionate, even for Makoto, brushing any questions about his strange behavior aside. How just now Makoto had looked at Sousuke with what he now realized was hurt and regret in Makoto’s eyes when Sousuke had offered him his hand, just like Makoto had always used to do with-

_Crap._

He tried to ignore the guilt that flooded through him at the realization, suppressing it along with the all too familiar sadness and pain. His eyes flicked back to the calendar, the 28th suddenly looking dark and foreboding despite the plain white paper and normal black lettering. Just a few more weeks and…

He had to talk to Rin when he got home.

* * *

Makoto sighed, leaning his head against the closet door after pulling out a shirt, feeling suddenly drained of energy. His brief conversation with Sousuke played over and over in his mind and he could only hope the whole event had not come off as odd as he thought. The lead weight in his gut told him otherwise though.

‘ _I’m fine_ ’ echoed through his thoughts.

Makoto was not fine.

But no one else could know that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if you made it through the first chapter you have a bit of an idea about what kind of story this is going to be. It's not your average death fic, as the death has already occurred (pinky promise no one else will die, don't worry), and this is all about the aftermath and how the ones left behind are dealing- or not dealing- with it. There's going to be a lot of angst. But there will also be comfort and coming together and hopefully a satisfying ending that will make all the pain worth it. I hope you will give this story a chance and stick around to see how it turns out. Please let me know what you think, as this is quite different from what I usually write!
> 
> (Also, I'm so glad my first attempt at Free! smut was a threesome. Way to ease into it... ;) )


	2. Realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto is not as good at hiding it as he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally didn't realize it had been this long since I posted the first chapter! I honestly meant to finish this up and post it weeks ago, I just am terrible at keeping track of time. It was a bit difficult to get into the angst mood what with all the Starting Days hype, but I definitely had planned to post this sooner >.> If it ever gets to be a month between updates again please come yell at me, it's most likely that I just lost track of how long it's been, not that I didn't want to work on it!
> 
> Without further ado, please enjoy your next dose of angst ^^

“Ah! Sousuke!”

Sousuke grinned against the back of Makoto’s neck at the cry, tightening his grip on Makoto’s hip as he continued to angle his thrusts to hit that spot that had Makoto gasping out a string of moans. His other hand found Makoto’s above their heads, and Sousuke wound his fingers with Makoto’s, replacing the clenched pillowcase Makoto had been grasping onto previously.

“Feels good?” Sousuke asked- fairly rhetorically- as he mouthed at the base of Makoto’s neck.

“Fuck, Sou-!”

He chuckled lightly against the sensitive skin his mouth was pressed to, feeling Makoto shiver at the sensation. Sousuke knew Makoto was really feeling it if he dropped his filter and started cursing. It wasn’t uncommon for Sousuke and Rin to compete over who could make Makoto swear the most when they got in one of their competitive moods. Makoto never seemed to mind though; in fact Sousuke held a sneaking suspicion that his more mild-mannered boyfriend often instigated some of the competitions that led to marathon sex sessions, or at least he didn’t discourage them as much as he did other rivalries (like their occasional heated cooking contests that only caused a fire once. Or twice. Or the racing to see who could get home first- only by foot, thankfully- which may have resulted in a few search parties being sent after Sousuke). Not that Sousuke minded Makoto’s interference- or lack thereof- he just wished people would believe him when he claimed Makoto had a devious side too.

_Speaking of which_ , Sousuke barely had the presence of mind to think, as Makoto reached back with his free hand and pulled on Sousuke’s hair. Sousuke couldn’t help the groan that slipped from his mouth at the action. Makoto knew Sousuke liked it rough and was apparently beyond the point of pretending he wouldn’t take advantage of that fact. _Well, if we’re playing that game..._

Sousuke moved his hand up to grip Makoto’s chin, turning his head to the side so Sousuke had access to his mouth. They didn’t hesitate to connect in a heated kiss, open mouthed and wanting, exchanging heated breaths and moans as they kissed in an entirely uncoordinated but exceptionally pleasurable way.

Sousuke didn’t stop there, however, moving his fingers down Makoto’s neck and chest until he reached a nipple, twisting it just how Makoto enjoyed, swallowing the gasp of surprised pleasure with a grin.

Makoto broke the kiss, looking at Sousuke with darkened, unfairly sexy green eyes before he threw his head back against Sousuke’s shoulder, curving his back into Sousuke’s chest and pushing his hips backwards to meet the continuous thrusts. “Sousuke, yes, just a little-”

Sousuke tightened his grip on Makoto’s hand, seeking a bit of grounding as Makoto’s voice and actions made him a little lightheaded with lust. He pulled Makoto flush against him, spooning him from behind, fingers still playing across Makoto’s broad chest as he nipped at Makoto’s neck, just barely light enough to still not leave a mark.

“Come on, Makoto. You’re doing so well, just let go,” he husked against Makoto’s ear, his hot breath raising goosebumps as his words helped push Makoto closer to the edge. “Fuck, so good Mako. Let me feel you cum.”

Sousuke slid his hand down further, grabbing a hold of Makoto’s previously neglected cock, earning himself a choked cry and Makoto’s hand flying down to hold onto his wrist, not in a hindering motion, but a grounding one. Sousuke could already feel Makoto tightening around him, knew he was close and just needed a final push.

“Yes, that’s it. I want to watch you cum, Mako, wanna see you fall apart. Shit, I’m gonna cum just thinking about it,” Sousuke groaned against Makoto’s neck, not exaggerating in the least. He knew Makoto enjoyed his dirty talk, despite what Makoto said and how red he got when they weren’t lost in the heat of the moment, and Sousuke was fairly sure he had a thing for being praised, but that had no bearing on Sousuke’s last words. He was truthfully close to cumming, no need to pretend in order to sound sexy.

Makoto let out a low moan, fingers tightening around both Sousuke’s wrist and the fingers of his other hand. Sousuke could just make out Makoto squeezing his eyes shut. _Just a little more_.

“If you don’t cum soon I’m gonna end up cumming without you. But don’t worry, as soon as I finish fucking you, I’ll come around and suck you till you cum in my mouth.” Sousuke smirked at Makoto’s whine, feeling him tensing up in his arms. “Would you like that? I know you liked it when I licked your cum from my fingers this morning. Wanna give me some more?”

“Shit- Sous-!”

The end of his name was cut off in a garbled cry as Makoto finally came, white painting his chest and Sousuke’s hand as his whole body tensed and then ultimately relaxed. The tightening muscles around his own cock caused Sousuke to follow suit, reaching his own peak with a few deep thrusts and a low groan. Sousuke rolled onto his back after a few moments, sliding out from Makoto with a moan. He lay there panting for a second before Makoto followed, turning from his side onto his back as well, shoulder brushing Sousuke’s, and giving Sousuke a tired, lopsided grin. Sousuke shot him a smirk and brought his stained fingers to his mouth for the second time that day, never missing an opportunity to tease his partner.

This time Makoto only laughed, too tired and blissed out to feel as embarrassed as he usually would. In fact, he surprised Sousuke, reaching over and grabbing his hand, pulling Sousuke’s fingers from his mouth and bringing them to Makoto’s own. Makoto kept his eyes locked with Sousuke the entire time he lathed his tongue around the digits, cleaning up any remnants Sousuke may have missed with a glint in his eye, much to Sousuke’s fond exasperation.

“The death of, I swear,” Sousuke muttered, more to himself than anything, though Makoto clearly heard him as his eyes shifted away, a blank look taking over as he let the fingers drop from his mouth. Sousuke opened his mouth to say something else, fix the mistake he had obviously made- one he was just starting to understand and _fuck that was probably the worst thing I could have said_ \- but Makoto was already turning over onto his side again, facing away.

“Sorry, Sou, I’m just exhausted,” he drawled, sounding as tired as he claimed, though Sousuke wasn’t sure if that exhaustion stemmed from purely physical sources after the look he had just seen in Makoto’s eye. “I think I’m gonna just let myself fall asleep, if that’s okay.”

“Yeah, of course.” He hesitantly placed a hand on Makoto’s shoulder, releasing a relieved breath when Makoto didn’t jolt or pull away. “Makoto… I love you,” he said eventually, unsure of what to say, to let on. He really needed to talk to Rin.

A hand reached up and squeezed his. “Love you too, Sousuke.”

That put Sousuke’s mind a bit more at ease. At least he knew Makoto was still somewhat okay if he could say that without hesitation. He let his hand fall back down to the bed, placing a soft kiss between Makoto’s shoulder blades- thanking his lucky stars that Rin wasn’t there to witness it and call him a sap- before moving to clean up, tossing the condom and grabbing a towel from the bathroom to wipe off Makoto’s thighs and chest after cleaning himself off.

Apparently Makoto really was as tired as he had claimed, because he was sound asleep before Sousuke made it back from the bathroom. Sousuke cleaned him up as gently as possible, making sure to let Makoto rest, and then he grabbed a pair of boxer briefs from the floor and headed into the living room to wait for Rin. The clock showed his last lover should be home shortly, unless he had ended up at the bar again after the late team meeting, which was entirely possible, though Sousuke fervently hoped Rin had refrained this time; he was really starting to worry about Makoto and needed to discuss the situation and how to proceed with Rin.

As if his thoughts were being answered, the front door slowly cracked open and Rin crept into the house, clearly trying to make as little noise as possible. That plan went out the window when he flicked on the living room light and caught sight of Sousuke standing in the dark.

“Holy fuck Sousuke! What the hell?! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?!” Rin demanded after his decidedly high pitched yelp.

“Hey, keep it down, Makoto’s asleep already,” Sousuke reprimanded with a frown, watching Rin jerkily hang up his coat and bag as he kicked off his sneakers. It appeared Rin had ended up at the bar after all.

“I wasn’t the one lurking in the dark trying to scare people to death!” Rin groused back, shooting Sousuke a pout before ambling over and letting himself fall against Sousuke’s chest. “Hey,” he belatedly greeted, wrapping his arms around Sousuke’s back in a loose hug, “missed you.”

Sousuke sighed. He could smell the beer on Rin, but at least it wasn’t overpowering. Rin was probably a bit tipsy, but thankfully not drunk. He really didn’t want to try having this conversation with an overly impaired Rin. “Welcome home.” Sousuke returned the hug for a moment before pulling back to look down at Rin, opening his mouth to begin when Rin beat him to it.

“Why is Mako asleep already? It’s only like eleven,” Rin asked, looking up at Sousuke curiously.

Sousuke ignored the fact that it was closer to midnight- Makoto was a bit of a night owl, Rin was right about that. “He’s just… worn out.”

Rin squinted at him for a moment before something seemed to click, a smirk slowly crossing his lips as he stepped back from Sousuke and ran his eyes up and down Sousuke’s almost naked body. “‘Worn out,’ huh? What did I miss? Did you wear him out without me?” Rin asked, the smirk slowly melding into a fake pout, his red eyes still gleaming mischievously as he stood there, hands on his hips.

Sousuke sighed again, this was really not what they should be talking about, but it would be impossible to get Rin to drop it without an answer. “Yeah, I guess,” he admitted reluctantly, hoping Rin would just let it go so he could move the conversation along. “You should have come home instead of going drinking with your teammates again if you were worried about it.”

Rin just waved that suggestion away. “Please, like you two don’t go out with your work friends every few weeks too.”

Sousuke had to admit that was true. They all had fairly active social lives outside of their relationship. It wasn’t that he begrudged Rin’s activities, it was just that this whole thing with Makoto really needed to be addressed right away and Rin hadn’t been able to answer his texts properly all day and his staying out later than necessary was just an added stressor. Sousuke shouldn’t take it out on his boyfriend who had no idea what was going on- not that Sousuke knew all the answers either; hence the stress. “Sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“Don’t worry about. I know you didn’t mean anything, though you’d think you’d be more relaxed after having _alone time_ with Makoto,” Rin said, wagging his eyebrows at the euphemism. “Speaking of, you’re telling me Makoto’s all nice and fucked out and relaxed and just laying, I assume, naked in bed? And we’re both still out here _why_?”

Sousuke had to reach out a hand to grab Rin’s arm before he could eagerly dart down the hall towards the bedroom. His resistance was met with a frown, then a puzzled look which quickly dissolved into concern at the serious look on Sousuke’s face.

“Sou? What’s the matter?”

“...We need to talk,” Sousuke said with a sigh, eyes falling to stare at the floor.

“Sousuke, you’re kinda freaking me out here. What’s going on?”

Sousuke looked up at that. “Sorry, it’s just… It’s hard to- come sit down with me.”

Rin allowed himself to be pulled over to the couch, sitting down besides Sousuke, eyes staring at him nervously. “Okay… What is it? You’re not trying to break up with me are you?” he asked, trying to joke, though the words were strained. “Because if you are, you should know I get Makoto in the divorce.”

Sousuke’s head whipped over at that. “God, Rin, no! I’m not- _no_!”

“Well, good, cause I wouldn’t have let you anyway,” Rin declared with a half smile, nudging Sousuke’s shoulder with his own. “What’s got you so… distant then? I haven’t seen you like this since- uh, well, a long time.”

Sousuke’s heart clenched. He knew exactly to what time Rin was referring. He’d say it was a funny coincidence, if anything about the situation were remotely humorous.

“It’s about Makoto… You’ve noticed how he’s been a bit… off lately, right?” Sousuke began, watching Rin carefully. “Acting strange?”

“Well, yeah, I guess. He has been kinda, I dunno, quiet? But then he does stuff like this morning, and while I’m certainly not complaining, it’s not really… _him_ , you know?”

Sousuke hummed in agreement. “I think I figured out why.”

Rin looked at him intently then, grasping Sousuke’s hand in his own. “Really? What is it?”

There was a long pause before Sousuke answered, searching for the right words as he squeezed Rin’s hand, searching for a little extra strength to get through the conversation ahead. “Do you- do you realize what’s coming up? In a few weeks?”

Rin squinted, clearly searching his mind for the answer. “No? When do you mean?”

“On the 28th,” Sousuke said softly, really hoping Rin would catch on; that he wouldn’t have to say it outloud. Just thinking it in his head was bad enough, but letting the words out felt like it would make it more _real_ somehow; as if it wasn’t already all too real for all of them.

“Sorry, I’m not sure. What does this have to do with Mako?” Rin frowned, obviously not understanding the connection.

Sousuke winced a bit before he dropped his head, free hand coming up to run through his short hair roughly. He couldn’t look at Rin when he spoke. “The 28th- October 28th. It’s… It’s the day- the anniversary of… of Haru’s…” He couldn’t bring himself to say the word, finally looking up with a pained look to meet Rin’s eyes, eyes that were already starting to water when realization hit him. _Shit_. “Rin…”

“Oh. I- shit. I didn’t realize. Fuck.” Rin’s voice was strained and his grip on Sousuke’s hand tightened. “I should have- fuck I’m the worst. Sou, please, you know I didn’t forget about- didn’t forget about _him_ , I just… Fuck!”

“Rin, hey, it’s okay,” Sousuke said, dropping Rin’s hand so he could turn Rin to face him before framing Rin’s face with his hands. “I know. I didn’t realize it myself until this morning. It doesn’t mean we don’t still love him or miss him. It’s okay.”

He pulled Rin to his chest, letting his boyfriend cry against his bare skin and grab at his back as he tried to comfort him. He knew Rin felt guilty for not remembering the anniversary right away, and Sousuke could definitely commiserate. Sousuke had remembered it was coming up in September; his birthday to be exact. It was hard not to note the difference. But then things had come up, life had gone on, and he had forgotten again. He understood how Rin felt. He didn’t exactly _want_ to remember the day that had changed all their lives, had turned their foursome into a threesome, had stolen something irreplaceable from all of them, and he was sure Rin felt the same. But Sousuke understood the significance of the date, and how it must be eating away at Makoto, who had clearly remembered before either of them.

That was something they should both feel guilty about.

“Hey, don’t cry,” Sousuke whispered, stroking back red strands as he held Rin.

A muffled string of words were huffed against his chest, and while Sousuke couldn’t hear them, he knew Rin well enough to know he had sobbed out his usual claim of ‘I’m not crying.’ He pulled Rin away from him, sweeping his thumbs under each now puffy eye to wipe away the remaining tears that Rin was definitely not crying.

“Sorry. But we really need to talk about what to do about Makoto.”

Rin frowned, hands slipping from Sousuke’s back and down his arms, coming to rest at his elbows. “Makoto? Why? I mean, I know it’s gonna be rough for him too, and I feel like shit for not realizing sooner when he obviously did. But what do we need to talk about?”

Sousuke looked at Rin carefully, trying to decide how to explain his concerns. He didn’t think Rin was being purposefully dense, but maybe he should have waited until Rin was one hundred percent sober for this conversation after all. “Don’t you think this is going to affect Makoto a bit… differently than it’s going to affect us?” he asked, choosing his words cautiously.

“Whaddya mean? We were all together when it happened, Sousuke. And we’ve all been friends for years besides. Why are you more worried about Makoto?”

Sousuke sighed internally. He really didn’t want to upset Rin further, but this was something they couldn’t avoid, not any longer, not now. He just had to be… _delicate_ about it. _Great_. “That’s true, Rin, but you know Makoto and Haru were in a relationship before we all became a thing together, just like you and I were. And you know they were together since they were in diapers. And probably in love for that long.” He paused to gauge Rin’s reaction. Noting the frown that was forming, he quickly continued. “Not to say that their relationship as a couple was somehow more important than the four of us, but it does mean that there’s a lot of history there, Rin. And you know how sensitive Makoto is, even if he tries to hide it. This is obviously affecting him a lot, you’ve seen his behavior.”

Rin sighed, running his hand through his hair. “I know, it’s just… I don’t like thinking that Haru didn’t mean as much to you or me.”

“That’s not what I’m saying, Rin. Haru meant a lot to all of us. It’s just different for Makoto. It’s…” Sousuke trailed off, unsure of how to put it properly. “If- if it was me instead-”

“Don’t even say that!” Rin snapped passionately, startling Sousuke a little. He looked much more sober than he had when he first walked in the house.

“Rin, I just mean-”

“No! I can’t think about that, okay? It’s too much! Not on top of Haru,” he choked out, eyes becoming watery again.

“Hey. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you,” Sousuke assured, cupping Rin’s face gently and dipping his own head down so he was eye level with Rin. “I was just trying to give you a comparison. I’m your oldest friend, right?” He waited for Rin to nod before continuing, “So it’d be different for you, losing me, than it would be for Makoto. I’m not saying it’d be more valid, your grief; just different. You shouldn’t try and compare that sort of thing anyway, no one can win that competition,” he said solemnly as he let his hands drop from Rin’s cheeks, grabbing hold of Rin’s hands instead when they landed in Rin’s lap.

Rin bowed his head but said nothing, so Sousuke decided it was okay to continue. “He didn’t just lose a lover, Rin, he lost his best friend- hell, they could even communicate telepathically for crying out loud. He lost the person he was closest to in the entire world, and while he still has us, we still have each other. We’re still childhood best friends, and we’ll always have that bond, but now Makoto doesn’t, and it was fine when he had that with Haru too, but now it’s gone and I imagine the anniversary coming up is just hitting that home harder. I wouldn’t be surprised if he feels left out,” he added, noting the guilt that flashed across Rin’s features when he finally looked up.

“I… Sorry. Yeah, I get it now. Shit, I feel like such a dick,” Rin whispered, turning his head away, unable to meet Sousuke’s eyes.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Sousuke assured him again, reaching up to tilt Rin’s head back. “It’s not something we want to spend a lot of time thinking about. But we do need to decide what to do about Makoto.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Should we talk to him about it? Or would that just make things worse?”

“I honestly don’t know. I just hate seeing him like this.” Sousuke frowned as he recalled that morning and the look in Makoto’s eyes. “I held my hand out to help him up this morning. And the look he gave me when I did… It looked like he had been gutted, Rin. All because I offered my hand, like he used to for Haru.”

Rin looked like he felt nauseous. Sousuke could empathize; he had felt like he wanted to throw up all day.

“But the worst part- the worst part was the blank look he got after before he smiled like nothing was wrong. It only took a second, too. Like it was second nature for him to hide his pain.” He looked at Rin, face finally betraying how desperate he was feeling, and he felt Rin squeeze his hand firmly. “I get the feeling that this isn’t new for him, Rin, this pain he’s hiding. And it scares the crap out of me.”

“Hey, we’ll figure something out, okay?” Rin reassured him, clearly worried that Sousuke was so upset. “Maybe we should just watch him for a few days. Make sure that there’s really something major going on, and he’s not just trying not to remind us of the anniversary, ya know?”

Sousuke gave a half smile, ever thankful he had Rin in his life. “Yeah, that sounds like something he would do, huh? Okay, we’ll give it a few days. But make sure you watch close, okay?”

“Of course, Sou. We’ll both keep an eye out,” Rin said, determination filling his voice. “Now come on, we should head to bed. I kinda want to hug Mako, even if he’s asleep.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Sousuke allowed Rin to haul him up from the couch, though Sousuke made sure not to put a lot of weight on him. Regardless of how much Rin trained, Sousuke still had quite a bit of height and bulk on him and didn’t want to risk Rin straining himself; not that he would ever let Rin know, he’d definitely never hear the end of it.

Rin’s hand never left his as they walked down the hall, gently opening the bedroom door to find a still peacefully sleeping Makoto. Sousuke slipped back into bed behind Makoto, taking care not to wake him as Rin got ready for bed. He looked down at the peacefully sleeping man he loved and hoped Makoto’s dreams were at least more forgiving to him than reality. He brushed a lock of brunet hair behind an ear before laying down with a sigh. Sousuke watched Rin finally crawl in on Makoto’s other side and place a tender kiss to Makoto’s forehead before settling down, hand snaking around Makoto’s waist and finding Sousuke’s again.

Sousuke smiled before allowing himself to finally drift off to sleep. He and Rin would always take care of Makoto; there was no doubt in his mind that they could fix whatever this was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I SWEAR I’M NOT ENDING ALL THE SMUT ON A DEPRESSING NOTE ON PURPOSE! Pure coincidence! I’ll try not to do that next time :x (I'm also not trying to put smut in every chapter, but I doubt you're going to complain about that part ;) )
> 
> Hey, remember how I said this was Makoto-centric? I don't know how this ended up being all Sousuke's POV either, but it was all pretty necessary to the plot, I promise. Makoto will definitely be back next time, and he will bring all the pain with him, don't you worry ;)


	3. Distraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Very few things can make Makoto forget- even for a little while- and they're becoming less and less effective lately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finished this up sooner than I expected, even though it got away from me a bit. Enjoy ;)

The world slowly came into focus as Makoto awoke, blinking the sleep from his eyes as he took in the dimly lit room, midmorning light barely filtering in through the curtains. He glanced over at the clock in a haze, taking a few moments for the digital green 9:04 to penetrate his mind. He tensed, afraid he had overslept before he remembered it was Saturday and he didn’t teach on Saturdays. Makoto relaxed, allowing himself to settle back in the warm bed, the arms and legs wrapped around him finally registering.

He smiled, eyes closed again as he revelled in the feeling of his lovers pressed against him. It was no surprise to anyone that Makoto enjoyed cuddling, or even that Rin would seek out such attention sometimes. But the fact that Sousuke was often the first to initiate contact in tender moments was more of a shock; or at least it would have been if any of them ever shared that information, which they definitely didn’t (much to Nagisa’s displeasure).

It was almost peaceful enough to make him forget. Almost.

Makoto was close to falling asleep again when he caught a whiff of coconut. He would recognize the scent of Rin’s favorite shampoo anywhere. He opened his eyes and sure enough, Rin’s head had shifted to be right under his nose. His anxiety returned as he remembered that Rin usually had practice Saturday mornings and was now probably late.

“Rin, Rin, wakeup,” he whispered into the mess of red hair. He tried to pull an arm loose to nudge Rin awake, but he found Rin’s koala-like grip and Sousuke’s arm around his waist to be too restricting.”Rin, you’re going to be late for practice!”

Makoto barely received a mumble in response before Rin pushed his head deeper between Makoto’s neck and the bed, arms and legs clamping tighter around Makoto.

He sighed, resigning himself to having to take more drastic action, which usually ended up being the case with a stubborn Rin. Makoto rocked back and forth a bit, eliciting a few grunts from Rin before he gained enough momentum to turn over from his position on his side, landing on top of Rin, Sousuke’s displaced arm flopping to the bed behind him.

“Oof! What the fuck?!” Rin wheezed, suddenly much more awake, arms falling to the bed in surprise. He looked up, searching for the source of the heavy weight on his body and found himself looking into fond and slightly amused-looking green eyes. “Makoto? What the hell?”

“Sorry, Rin. I tried to wake you up gently, but you were wrapped around me. Again.” Makoto apologized, though the lift at the corner of his lips suggested he wasn’t feeling exceptionally remorseful. He shifted his weight a bit so more of it was on his arms and less on Rin now that he had achieved his goal.

“Tch, well why are you even waking me up anyway?” Rin groused, frowning up at Makoto, though Makoto noticed he made no move to push Makoto off.

“Practice? You have practice on Saturdays, I didn’t want you to be late. I know how much you hate that.”

Rin’s eyes widened in apprehension for a moment before he relaxed, arms coming up to wrap around Makoto’s shoulders as he smiled. “I don’t have it today, actually. Coach declared an extra rest day. I just found out yesterday; I would have told you, but you were asleep already when I got home. Thanks for thinking of me, though. I can always count on you, Mako,” Rin said with a grin, leaning up to give Makoto a sweet kiss.

“Ah, you’re welcome, Rin.” Makoto blushed slightly at the praise, trying to duck his head a bit, which was extremely difficult, seeing as he was face to face and right on top of Rin.

“You’re adorable when you get all modest,” Rin laughed. “Now, since I’m already awake, let’s talk about this position we’re currently in. I’m definitely appreciating it much more now,” he practically purred, grinning even wider when Makoto’s blush darkened.

“M-maybe we should just sleep in a bit longer?” Makoto tried to suggest, attempting to roll off of Rin, but finding a large object blocking his movements. A quick look to his side showed Sousuke was awake as well, and stopping any attempt of his to move. “Sousuke?”

“Mornin’,” was the gruff answer. Makoto had to suppress a shiver. Sousuke’s rough morning voice did things to him. Things he was currently trying to ignore.

“Aw, I was hoping to get a bit further before you interfered,” Rin bemoaned playfully, smirking over at Sousuke.

“Oh yeah?” Sousuke asked, lips curving up as he looked at them both with sleepy, half-lidded eyes. “Sorry to interrupt.” He shifted, moving up to give Rin a quick kiss goodmorning before turning his attention to Makoto. “He was jealous he missed out last night,” Sousuke informed Makoto as he captured his lips next.

“What! I was not!” Rin cried, smirk turning into a scowl instantly.

Sousuke laughed. “Oh no? Coulda fooled me.”

“Shut up!” Rin removed an arm from around Makoto and used it to push over Sousuke, who allowed himself to fall over on his back, still laughing.

“Now, now, there’s no reason to be jealous,” Makoto said, watching his lovers with amusement. He ignored Rin’s pouted “ _I’m not jealous!_ ” and brought a hand up to push Rin’s hair from his face. “You know I love you both.”

Now Rin was the one who was blushing. Sousuke seemed to find that even more amusing than before if his deep laughter was any indication. Makoto couldn’t help smiling as he watched Rin attempt to swat at Sousuke, only for Sousuke to roll slightly out of reach each time, still laughing. The deepening blush on Rin’s face and ears clearly showed how he felt about that teasing.

Makoto was lost to his memories for a moment after that, the lighthearted morning antics triggering thoughts of previous times where they would just spend the day in bed, loving each other, holding each other, talking quietly and just enjoying being together. _How long has it been since we’ve been this happy?_ A twist in his gut told him the answer and the familiar guilt started to pull at him again. _No, you don’t deserve to be happy. Don’t forget_ , he reminded himself bitterly, chest aching at the thought. But Sousuke and Rin… They hadn’t done anything wrong, they weren’t responsible. They still deserved everything, anything Makoto could give them.

And he would; for as long as they would let him.

 _Selfish_.

Taking a deep breath in through his nose, Makoto calmed himself, pushing away those thoughts and putting his mask back into place. “Hey, Rin. You were saying something about our position before?” he called, rolling his hips to get Rin’s attention.

And get his attention he did, Rin’s head shooting back in his direction, surprise lighting up his face.

“Well?” Makoto prodded, giving Rin a knowing grin and another hip roll.

“Shit, Makoto. I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but I like it,” Rin declared, reaching up and pulling Makoto down into a greedy kiss.

 _Guilt, that’s what_ , Makoto thought, though he quickly pushed that out of his head. It wouldn’t do to let himself get caught up in such thoughts now. Now was for Rin. And Sousuke, of course; there was no way he would be content with just watching for long.

He thought he heard Sousuke sigh, but he was too distracted by Rin’s tongue suddenly invading his mouth to dwell on that potential observation. It was soon completely forgotten when Sousuke’s large hand found the small of his back, pushing him down against Rin who made a pleased sound at the action, and Sousuke’s lips found his shoulder.

Makoto groaned into Rin’s mouth as Rin canted his hips upwards, their quickly hardening cocks rubbing through Rin’s thin pajama pants and Makoto’s, well, nothing, since he was still nude from his activities with Sousuke the night before. The friction sent a heady rush through him as Rin repeated the action, the two falling into an easy rhythm of grinding as they continued to kiss.

Sousuke had moved from Makoto’s shoulder down his back, trailing his lips and tongue in a sinfully pleasurable path along Makoto’s spine, branching out every now and then to trace along defined muscles. Makoto wasn’t quite sure what Sousuke’s- and Rin’s- fascination with his back muscles was; he didn’t think a person’s back could be particularly attractive, at least not to the extent that his lovers seemed to view his. Though Makoto did suppose he himself had always had a thing for Rin’s Adonis Belt and Sousuke’s biceps, but those were more normal muscles to appreciate, weren’t they? The back just seemed odd, though he supposed he could understand the appeal in certain… positions. But in general? Makoto still didn’t get it. Although Haru had also- _No. No, not_ now.

Makoto gasped as he was, thankfully, pulled from his thoughts by a sharp sting on his asscheek. He broke the kiss, much to Rin’s annoyance if his whine was any indication, and turned to look over his shoulder, surprised and yet also not to find Sousuke nipping at the skin there. Sousuke had apparently moved further down Makoto’s body than he had realized, taking the sheet- and Makoto’s last attempt at retaining any modesty- with him.

“Sousuke- what are you-?” His question was cut off by another gasp as Sousuke created another round bite mark, teeth sinking into, but not piercing, his flesh. His face turned red at the surprising heat that act sent rushing straight to his groin. This was something he expected from Rin, but Sousuke? Though he couldn’t say he was opposed. At all.

“Just occupying myself since you two are busy,” Sousuke husked, sending a sinful smirk up at Makoto before he returned to mouthing at the now very sensitive skin. “Don’t mind me.”

Makoto wanted to laugh- or maybe roll his eyes, though that was really more of Rin’s thing- but he suddenly found his head pulled back around, a hand grasping his chin as Rin directed Makoto’s gaze back onto himself.

“Oh, we won’t,” Rin declared to Sousuke, though he keep his eyes locked with Makoto’s, the heat there sending a shiver down Makoto’s spine.

Makoto gave him an answering mischievous grin before he ducked his head and his lips found Rin’s neck. He smiled against Rin’s skin at the moan he drew, Rin’s hands finding their way into his hair as he kissed a path across Rin’s collarbone. “What do you want, Rin?”

“Huh?” was the intelligible, breathy reply he received as he made his way back up the side of Rin’s neck.

Makoto chuckled before he raised his head again, giving Rin a reprieve from the stimulation. “How do you want to do this? It’s up to you.” Makoto was surprised by how level he managed to keep his own voice, as Sousuke was still trailing his tongue and teeth down Makoto’s body, currently moving across the backs of his thighs, causing his muscles to twitch uncontrollably.

Rin regarded him thoughtfully for a moment with lust darkened eyes before they flitted down past Makoto, clearly observing Sousuke before he met Makoto’s eyes again. “What did you do last night?”

“Eh? Me and Sousuke, you mean?”

“Yeah, I want to do that,” Rin said, voice determined.

“ _Jealous_.” The word was smug and came from somewhere past Makoto’s knees.

“Shut up!” Rin barked, tilting his head to glare at Sousuke.

“Now, now.” Makoto tried to placate Rin, seeking to head off the oncoming argument. He needed to get Rin back on track before the whole thing derailed completely. “So you want to fuck me then, Rin?” he asked in a low voice, the one he knew Rin had a thing for.

And he was definitely right about that, if the way Rin shivered before closing his eyes was any indication. “ _Fuck_ , Makoto! That mouth of yours should be illegal.”

Makoto chuckled, opening his mouth to commit a few more criminal acts until his words were forced from his mind and his breath forced from his lungs in a strangled moan. He couldn’t even bare to look behind himself at the culprit, his head falling into the crook of Rin’s neck, fingers digging into the sheets as Sousuke continued to palm his ass, spreading Makoto open as his tongue delved inside him.

“ _Shit_.”

Rin had clearly noticed the source of Makoto’s current inability to function. He barely noted the shift under him as Rin attempted to crane his neck for a better view; Makoto was too busy trying to breath properly as Sousuke’s tongue mimicked the movements of his cock from the night before.

“He’s still ready from last night, Rin,” Sousuke drawled, words vibrating against Makoto’s ass, pulling yet another moan from him. “You could just slip right in.”

“ _Fuck_.”

Elegant as always, Rin quickly took Sousuke’s suggestion to heart, shimmying himself down the bed underneath Makoto. Makoto felt Sousuke pull away- and he wasn’t sure if he regretted that or not- and help shift Rin, tugging down his pajamas just enough to free him and apparently taking his cock in hand. Or at least that’s what Makoto gathered from the “ _shit, yes, Sousuke_ ” Rin groaned out. He, on the other hand, was too busy burying his face in the mattress and trying to regulate his breathing again.

“Hey, Mako, look at me.”

Rin’s warm hand was against his cheek, urging him to lift his head. Makoto complied, turning his reddened face to look over at Rin who was giving him a look that was equal parts love, lust, and concern. It made Makoto’s heart race even faster, and that was certainly a feat.

“Are you okay? Do you want this? I mean, we don’t have to-”

“Rin… If you don’t fuck me now, I’ll do it myself.”

Makoto could hear Sousuke chuckling behind him and he gave Rin a lopsided grin, almost laughing at the surprised yet oddly turned on look Rin was currently wearing. Makoto took in a deep breath and pushed himself up from his position on the bed and on top of Rin, shifting his legs so he was straddling Rin’s legs instead of lying in between them. He leaned forward to capture Rin’s lips again, kissing him slow and deep and waited for Sousuke to take the opportunity to guide Rin inside of him like Makoto knew he would- which Sousuke did after a moment of most likely appreciating the view before him (and finding the lube).

The three of them groaned; Makoto from the feeling of being filled again, Rin from the feeling of Makoto’s tight heat around his cock, and Sousuke from the sight of Rin disappearing inside Makoto. Only waiting a few moments to adjust, Makoto quickly started up a fast rhythm, pushing up and moving on top of Rin with practiced ease, bracing his hands on Rin’s chest for leverage. Rin just laid back, gripping Makoto’s hips as he enjoyed the show, watching Makoto’s leg and abdominal muscles flex with every rise and fall of his body onto Rin’s cock.

Rin’s lax participation was put to an end quickly though, Sousuke proving Makoto’s earlier theory right; there was no way he wouldn’t be partaking as well for long. He moved up the bed, stopping only long enough to pull his own cock through the fly in his boxer briefs before settling in by Rin’s head.

“Since I know how hard it is for you to have nothing to do with your mouth,” Sousuke teased in a low tone, fisting his cock a few times before holding it down towards Rin’s lips.

Rin shot him a scowl, but still moved forward, stuffing a pillow under his head before grabbing Sousuke by the shaft and guiding him into his mouth. Makoto shuddered as Sousuke groaned, enjoying the sight of Sousuke’s fingers tangling in Rin’s hair as Rin’s lips slid along the length of his cock. Makoto leaned forward, twisting his hips as he rode Rin and earning himself a moan- which Sousuke also appreciated, a less muffled one leaving Sousuke’s lips as the vibrations from Rin’s ran along his length. Sousuke turned to look at a pleased-with-himself Makoto, smirking before he leaned over and pulled Makoto into a deep kiss.

“Fuck, I love watching you two together,” Rin gasped after pulling off Sousuke for a breath.

Makoto smiled against Sousuke’s lips in response. He was pretty sure the feeling was mutual between all of them. Sometimes Makoto preferred to just watch them together instead of joining in himself, the sight more than enough to make up for the lack of outside touch. Lately though he had felt the overwhelming urge to completely drown himself in their presence. It was the only way he could feel like himself again. No, that wasn’t quite right; it was the only way he could _not_ feel the things he always did now, the things he wished he didn’t but knew he had to, should, _deserved_ to. But recently… Recently not even that was enough to keep the intrusive thoughts at bay. Not when it was almost that day-

“Makoto? You alright?”

He was brought out of his thoughts by Sousuke’s voice, blinking back to reality and anxious teal eyes staring deeply into his own, trying to read him. But Makoto couldn’t bear to let that happen. “Hmm?”

“...You stopped moving.” Sousuke’s voice was now tinged with worry, hand moving to cup Makoto’s face gently, as if he was afraid Makoto would break any second.

_Too late. I’m already broken._

Makoto glanced down at Rin, ready to apologize to his probably frustrated lover, when he noticed the concerned look Rin was wearing, a far cry from what he expected to see. “Ah, sorry! I’m still kind of tired I guess,” he said, plastering a smile on his face. It wasn’t genuine, of course, they rarely were those days. But he had grown adept at faking them, just like he had grown to be a good liar; his skills far greater than his laughable attempts back in high school. Really, the only one who would have been able to tell the difference was H- “Maybe we should change positions?”

“...Okay… If you’re sure,” Rin said hesitantly, hands nervously gliding up and down Makoto’s thighs, though Makoto wasn’t sure if the gesture was to sooth Makoto or himself.

“Of course!”

Makoto slowly moved himself off of Rin, biting his lip and muffling the groan that threatened to escape when Rin slipped out. He let himself be maneuvered down onto his back by Sousuke, worry still clear in his gaze, though he said nothing further about it. Makoto pulled him down in a gentle kiss in a way that he hoped would be reassuring. He really need them to finish what they had started, needing the distraction- as fleeting as it was starting to become- and the love that went along with it (even if he was unworthy of it).

“Rin~” he groaned as his other lover settled over him and easily slid back inside, starting up a slow rhythm. That wouldn’t do at all. Makoto nipped at Sousuke’s lip before pulling back, turning his focus onto Rin. “More, Rin… I need more.”

Rin’s eyes glinted at the lust in Makoto’s voice and he was helpless but to comply. Makoto moaned at the swift change in pace, knowing Rin responded favorably to their voices; the louder and more vocal they were the more Rin gave them what they wanted. It was quite convenient, really, once you reached that point where pride and embarrassment fell to the wayside and were replaced by pure pleasure. And that moment was no exception, Rin’s hips thrusting faster and deeper the more Makoto let out his voice.

Makoto leant up to capture Rin’s lips, tongue finding its way inside and sliding against Rin’s, drawing a pleased hum from Rin. As they continued to kiss, and Rin continued to fuck into him, Makoto reached out his hand, blindly searching for Sousuke. He didn’t want the other to feel left out, but more so he needed his touch, needed to know Sousuke was still there. A familiar hand gripped his, squeezing in reassurance and suddenly Makoto felt light again.

“So good, Mako,” Rin growled, pace increasing. “I love having you under me like this. You’re so fucking gorgeous.”

Makoto could feel his cheeks heat at the praise. No matter how many times they told him such things, it still felt like the first time he heard it. And he still believed it as much as he had then. But it was nice to hear anyway, to pretend, for a minute, that it was true.

“Shit, did he feel this good last night, Sou?”

Makoto finally chanced a glance over to his left where Sousuke sat, one hand clasped around Makoto’s and the other wrapped around his own cock. He could see the momentary struggle cross Sousuke’s face, the desire to tell Rin he couldn’t actually compare the two since he couldn’t feel how it felt for Rin right now, obviously, but it passed with just a small sigh and Makoto couldn’t help but smile.

“Mm, maybe better. I was behind him, playing with his nipples and cock and whispering in his ear; you know how much he enjoys that.”

Makoto couldn’t help the groan that left his lips at Sousuke’s little summary, nor the little twitch his cock gave in appreciation. He tried to cover his reddening face with his free hand, but he already knew the other two would be smirking at him anyway.

“Oh, yeah?” Rin drawled, slowing his pace slightly and earning a displeased noise from Makoto. “Maybe I should try that instead?”

“I thought you weren’t jealous, Rin?” Sousuke teased, breathing out a laugh when Rin smacked him in the arm.

“Shut up! I’m trying to be sexy here!”

“If you have to try…”

“Hey!”

“Guys, guys,” Makoto cajoled, giving Sousuke’s hand a squeeze and reaching up to brush Rin’s unruly hair from his face in order to gain their attention. “I think you’re very sexy, Rin.”

Rin turned bright red at that. “...Shut up.”

Sousuke laughed.

“It’s true!” Makoto said earnestly, pulling Rin down for a peck on the lips. “Now, why don’t you show me how sexy you can be and fuck me into the mattress already, hmm?”

He could feel the shiver run through Rin’s body as his voice dipped low at the end. Even Sousuke’s grip on his hand tightened. He gave Rin his most sultry smirk and waited for the fireworks.

Makoto was not disappointed. It only took Rin a moment to compose himself and then he was back to thrusting away at a borderline frantic rate, curses falling from his mouth before his lips locked with Makoto’s as if he couldn’t get enough of his taste. Makoto’s fingers threaded through Rin’s hair, keeping a tight grip in order to keep Rin against him, his own hips bucking up to meet Rin’s thrusts. He moaned as his cock was pressed between them, rubbing against both sets of sculpted abdominals in a delicious friction. He pulled his legs back, wrapping them around Rin’s hips, deepening the angle and groaning in duet with Rin at the feeling.

“Fuck, Mako- I’m gonna-”

Always spurred on whenever one of his lovers was close, Makoto pulled back from the kiss, mouthing a path across Rin’s jaw to his ear before biting and tongueing at the sensitive lobe. He could feel Sousuke move up next to him, giving the other side of Rin’s neck attention in a concerted effort to push Rin over the edge. Makoto spared a passing thought to how this was really one of the best uses of teamwork they had engaged in before Rin was suddenly cumming, crying out against Makoto’s neck and pulsing warm and wet inside of him. Makoto groaned at the feeling, grinding his hips down into Rin’s stuttered thrusts, chasing the sensation for the few seconds it lasted before Rin collapsed against his chest.

“Wow- fuck… Gimme a sec and I’ll finish you off, Makoto,” Rin said as he fought to catch his breath, looking up at them both with his signature post-orgasmic goofy grin.

Makoto couldn’t help smiling at that. Though a quick glance at Sousuke’s lap gave him another idea. “Mmm, how about you suck me off, Rin… While Sousuke fucks me.”

There was a moment of silence and the a whispered “ _shit_ ,” though Makoto couldn’t say who it came from; maybe both.

“If that’s okay with you of course, Rin. It’s your ‘turn’ after all,” Makoto added, not wanting to step on any toes.

“Fuck yes, let’s do that.”

_Alright, so Rin isn’t opposed then._

And apparently Sousuke wasn’t either, as he gave one last squeeze to Makoto’s hand before letting go and- Makoto would define the movement as ‘scrambling’ in anyone other than Sousuke- tearing off his underwear and taking Rin’s recently vacated place between Makoto’s legs. He expected a moment or two reprieve while Sousuke found the lube, but was surprised- not unpleasantly so- when Sousuke just pushed right in, twin groans leaving them at the feeling.

Sousuke’s thrusts were unrushed and steady, his eyes moving from Makoto beneath him to Rin who was still watching them intently from the side. “Care to join?” Sousuke asked with a smirk, settling himself back so he was almost sitting on his heels, pulling Makoto’s ass up onto his thighs, giving himself leverage but still allowing Rin room to fulfill his end of the deal.

“Hell yes.”

And then Rin’s head was in between Makoto’s legs, lips sliding down around Makoto’s cock, spreading precum and saliva along the shaft. Makoto did his best to hold still and not writhe at the duel sensations threatening to overwhelm him, sticking to fisting his hands in the sheets to ground himself. Sousuke had one hand threaded in Rin’s hair in order to hold him in place and the other was gripping Makoto’s hip to keep Rin from being choked by a random jolt of Makoto’s hips as he thrust shallowly into hm.

Just the sight of them working him up was almost enough to make Makoto cum. But add in the sensations too…

“Rin- Sou-! Fuck, gonna cum soon…”

“This is better than what I promised last night, isn’t it Makoto?”

Of course Sousuke would have to up the ante with his dirty talk. Makoto groaned, hips wanting to buck up but being stopped by the firm grip Sousuke had on him. Rin hummed around him; probably just to further torture him.

“Now you have my cock in your ass and you’re getting sucked at the same time. Are you gonna cum in Rin’s mouth like he came in you?”

 _Shit, and they claim_ my _mouth should be illegal._

“I can feel it, you know. His cum inside you. You’re so wet with it- makes it easy to fuck into you just how you like it,” Sousuke informed him, voice low and husky- the way that drove Makoto nuts- as he demonstrated, thrusting long and hard, dragging out until the tip was barely still inside before pushing back in in one deep movement. “I’m gonna fill you up too. Mix my cum with his so we’re both inside you. Do you want that, Makoto?”

Makoto was powerless to keep the moans at bay then, cries of both their names mixed with half choked words spilling passed his lips with every thrust. When Sousuke began ramming his prostate with inhuman precision and Rin began to hum as he twisted his tongue around Makoto’s shaft, Makoto couldn’t hold back any longer. With a gasp he came, back arching as he shot into Rin’s mouth- who took the whole thing in stride, probably because he was the most focused one since he had already came- and his inner muscles tightening around Sousuke as he continued to drive into him.

It didn’t take long before Sousuke joined him in bliss, only waiting for Rin to pull off of Makoto’s spent cock before he began a swift rhythm, quickly finding his release with a loud groan. He waited a few moments before pulling out, panting as he fell onto his side. Makoto watched with blissed-out detachment as Sousuke dragged himself up the bed until he could rest his head against Makoto’s shoulder- Rin having already claimed the other.

“Jeez, Sou. If I hadn’t already came so recently I’d be hard right now and you’d have to take care of it,” Rin declared, glaring playfully over Makoto’s chest at him.

“...Sorry?”

Makoto chuckled, leaning over to kiss Rin’s head as he shifted his arms so he could wrap one around each of them.

“Nah, it’s fine. Just. Wow. Sometimes I forget how filthy you are. Nagisa would be proud.”

“Gee, thanks.” Sousuke deadpanned, clearly unimpressed by the supposed endorsement.

Rin opened his mouth, probably to continue the budding argument, when Makoto quickly jumped in to cut him off. “Ah, how about we go take a shower. I could, um, use one right about now,” he said, shifting his legs together awkwardly at the wet feeling in between them. This was why they used condoms more often than not; cleanup was so much easier. Though he couldn’t say he hadn’t thoroughly enjoyed not using one. Or two.

“Shit, sorry, Makoto! Totally forget to clean you up!”

“It’s okay,” Makoto chuckled, giving Rin a peaceful grin that quickly turned far too innocent to be such. “You can make it up to me in the shower.”

Rin was once again interrupted from whatever he had been about to say by a- completely dignified- squawk leaving Makoto’s mouth as he was hauled to the edge of the bed by Sousuke.

“Let’s get going then,” Sousuke said, voice taking on an eager edge as he pulled Makoto to his feet, giving him a quick peck on the lips before urging him to get moving with a quick goosing. A playful grin appeared at Makoto’s surprised yelp, and Sousuke’s hands wandered relentlessly along Makoto’s sides as he ushered him- both laughing- across the room and into the bathroom.

Rin’s laughter and teasing about Sousuke’s impatience followed them from the bedroom before he too joined them in their (thankfully) large shower. The hot water, and somehow hotter hands, that caressed Makoto’s body helped keep his mind in a euphoric state of nothingness for just that much longer- for which he was extremely grateful.

Makoto couldn’t even bring himself to mind when the water went cold on them.

* * *

 

Rin wandered into the bedroom, still toweling his hair dry when he caught sight of Makoto pulling on his jeans. He tilted his head, admiring the view for the unfortunately short amount of time before Makoto straightened, zipping and buttoning the fly. He continued to idly observe Makoto in silence as he finished rubbing the towel along his head, watching Makoto pocket his cell, chapstick, an extra hair tie for Rin- which made Rin smile- and then reach into his sock drawer and pull out what appeared to be a small, pocket sized notebook. Makoto held it in his hand for a long moment, fingers running along the binding with an odd expression on his face that made Rin frown.

“What’s that?”

Rin was not surprised to see Makoto startle and practically jump a foot into the air; he’d still retained his jumpiness, even at 25. Still, he hadn’t wanted to shock him. “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you. Just wondering what’s with the notebook.”

Makoto looked at him, expression unreadable to Rin before a smile that seemed almost nervous covered his face. “Ah, that’s okay! You know how I am, heh heh,” he said, attempting to laugh it off while he rubbed a hand at the back of his neck.

“Uh huh… So…?”

“Mm? Oh, this? It’s nothing, really, just something I like to take notes for coaching in.” The smile now appeared more along the lines of his normal one, though something told Rin it wasn’t quite right still.

Rin regarded him with critical eyes as Makoto slipped the notebook into his pocket, seemingly ending the conversation. He wanted to ask why Makoto was acting so weird about the whole thing- and why Makoto even had the notebook on him when he didn’t coach on Saturdays- but he decided against it. He also dismissed the thought of mentioning it to Sousuke, not wanting to jump to conclusions and ruin their nice morning. No need to make him worry needlessly. _It’s probably nothing. No point making a big deal out of it._ Besides, Makoto would never lie to him anyway.

“Ah, Rin?”

“Hmm?” Rin looked back up to find Makoto looking at him curiously, now standing in front of the open bedroom door. He must have been lost in his musings for longer than he thought.

“I was saying you should probably get dressed,” Makoto said, giving him that patient look Rin noticed he always had on when he thought one of them was being especially dense. “Unless you plan to eat breakfast naked?”

Rin looked down, remembering that he was standing in their bedroom with only a towel around his neck. “Oh, uh, yeah, sure, I’ll be right out.” He coughed, face turning a bit red at having zoned out and getting sidetracked from his initial purpose in entering the bedroom.

“Not that I’d mind if you wanted to,” Makoto added, grin looking suspiciously smirk-like. “Eat naked, I mean.”

Rin laughed, immediately feeling better. “Get out of here!” he yelled playfully, tossing his towel at Makoto, though he missed and hit the doorframe, earning himself a chuckle before Makoto disappeared down the hall.

 _Yeah, everything’s fine_ , Rin told himself as he turned to the dresser, ignoring the small pit he could feel forming in his stomach.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo that smut ended happy; the angst was in the middle so it’s fine, right? ^^;
> 
> There was going to be more actual plot in this chapter, with things starting to move along. But then 5k words of smut happened and *throws hands up in the air* (There wasn’t even supposed to _be_ smut in this chapter!) These boys really need to learn to keep their hands off each other, it’s really messing with my timeline. So yeah. More plot-angst next time then, for sure. Yay?
> 
> PS- As far as the smut goes, everyone is happy to take whatever position in this story, so don’t worry just because I’ve written bottom!Mako twice now (which wasn’t planned, it just happened that way; couldn’t resist the circumstances ;) ) that that’s the only way you’ll see him; it definitely will not be. Since the smut won’t seem to leave me alone, I might try and fit in all the combos; so if you have any particular scenario request for one let me know- I will see what I can do as I only have one more specific smut scene concretely planned (though I’m sure more opportunities will worm their way in, just like this chapter).
> 
> Hope you enjoyed, and I’d love to know what you think!


End file.
